Who Knew? Men and Women are Different!

I read a book called Brain Sex. Fascinating. It pretty much took two hundred pages to say the following. While I believe my summary to be completely accurate and have taken pains to translate the points for both the male and female mind, I take full responsibility for the summaries included below. If you want to confirm, read the book and review the studies.

One: Men and women are different. WE HAVE PROOF! So all you social engineers and feminazis and emotional communists out there shut your pie hole and stop trying to make everybody equal because it ain’t gonna happen. Stop trying to change the other, don’t rage at the differences, appreciate the strengths of the other, and live with the weaknesses as best you can. Find a way to translate.

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Two: The blank look on men’s faces when confronted with a) crying women or children, b) blank anniversary cards, or c) dirty clothes hampers, is a biologically based response since their corpus colossums are smaller than in women. (I know “men” and “smaller” should not be used in the same sentence, but the science says it is so.) Seems the corpus colossum in men gets the equivelent of traffic jams between their brain hemispheres when too much data is on their information highway and no amount of blowing horns will clear it until is is good and ready to be cleared. Which clearing, by the way, happens long after the accident is over and they say, “Whut the hayle? Why’d the cars stop anyways? I don’t see nothing! Stupid drivers.”

Three: Contrary to what men believe, women cry, not because they are irrational, but because they are processing a huge amount of information that is travelling between their brain hempispheres and they see the “big picture”. In other words, they not only see the accident causing the traffic jam, they feel the pain of everybody in the accident as well as the drivers stuck in the jam and they know that for years to come somebody’s body is gonna be broken and have to heal up and somebody is gonna have to look after them and pay the frickin’ bill. Furthermore, the woman is having an emotional meltdown as she thinks, “What if that had been us in the accident? How would we have coped?”

Four: From birth, girls like to feel and talk, boys like to smash and crash. Women share; men do. So women, if you tell a man you need more affection and he washes your car, he probably really loves ya. Hug him and say “Thank you, you big ol’ studmuffin.” Men, if you tell a woman you need some tools and she bakes you a cake, hug her and say, “How’d I get so fortunate as to have a hot mama like you?” Then you can both, you know…feel and do together sometime later that evening or sometime, you know?

Five: Women give sex and hope for love; men give up sex for love. In other words, with men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; in women, intimacy sometimes results in sex. Men miss sex. Women miss the companionship of sex.

Six: Men have hormonal cycles, too. They are much more successful in finding their way out of mazes when their testosterone is high. Real men don’t need no GPS and they usually find their way to where they’re going. In women, when estrogen levels are highest they really do have a hard time with finding the car in the parking lot and figuring out the tip on the restaurant bill, but does a man care if his wife is looking at him lustily?

Seven: For the most part, when men take surveys about marital happiness, they base their answers on how well their wives are overall performing services such as looking attractive, cooking, and shopping. For the most part, when women take the same surveys, their answers are skewed by how happy they are with their husband at that point in time. If the man messed up that day, survey says he’s a skuzzy bum and the marriage is in danger of being over. If the man made nice with wifey, survey says he’s a white knight and she loves him beyond belief.

Eight: It’s not your imagination. The older men get, the more like women they become. The older women get, the more like men they become. It’s all in the tides of the hormones. The phrases “pushy old broad” and “sentimental old man” are not insults, they are facts.

Nine: Long-distance runs do wonders for dampening the male libido. So get your teenage sons onto school track teams immediately. In fact, it should be mandatory, yes?

Ten: Men can handle tough pain only for a short time. Women can go years and years with it and barely say anything. Women, when your man is whining that he’s dying, he really believes he is, but he’s going to be fine. Men, if your woman says she has a little ache, you need to pay attention: she’s probably dying.

My final thoughts: These ten points are all modified by nature, length and scope of nurture, and a judicious amount of free will that regulates that some people just like being plain old, out-and-out mean, weak, lazy, and so forth. However, it is proven that men and women do not speak the same language though they often are trying to say the same thing. Also, it is the assigning of value judgments to male/female observation angles and the assigning of superiority of that opinion over another that causes many problems in communication between the sexes.

Thus the value judgment of anyone deserving to “roast in eternal fires of hell” (a common outburst when disagreement arises; and the utterance of another popular two-word phrase consisting of a four letter F word and ending with you) really does not move anyone along to a solution to any problem, though it is a fact the utterer usually feels better upon verbalizing the damnation and/or instruction,¬†even as the recipient smiles coldly and gestures with Tall Man finger while aiming car towards utterer.

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***Did you enjoy reading Angela's columns and/or find them helpful? Then buy Angela a cup of coffee when you reach the end of the article. She thanks you for your support.***